British Hot Dogs


Category: meat in a can
Price: £1.09 for a can of 8
Ingredients: mechanically recovered chicken, water, pork, wheat starch, pork rind, salt, stabilisers, beef collagen, glucose syrup, hydrolysed vegetable protein, dextrose, antioxident, sugar, preservatives, color, water, onions, salt

Hot dogs are as American as apple pie. They'd be America's national symbol if it wasn't for the fact that the bald eagle is far less phallic. But the British eat hot dogs too. And they do it wrong. First off, you did not read that wrong above. They come in cans. Packed in brine. (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.) I promised myself I would try them, just once. Once I got it home I read the ingredients and realised that I'm not just risking my tastebuds, but these abominations also have vegetable protein in them, which is probably soy, which I am definately allergic to. But I will do anything for my public. Even risk anaphylactic shock.

The can smelled briney. And acidic. And scary. I drained them and dumped them into the pan, finding that they were tiny. Like little baby weiners. While cooking, they again smelled a bit vinegary and then smoky, as I was so busy taking pictures and notes for my other foods that I burned them a bit. But they were still as edible as they were ever going to be. I had to put 2 hot dogs per bread slice (we had no buns in the house) in order to get any kind of substance.

The hot dogs from a can were really squishy. Not just a little soft. Squishier than Spam. The mustard helped me choke them down, but they were really very bland and very squishy. Did I mention the squishiness? Cause they were alarmingly squishy. They do have real hot dogs, sold here as frankfurters, and some of them come in the vacuum sealed plastic packaging I'm used to. I'll be buying those in the future because when I'm hungry for a hot dog, I'm not craving bland squishy meat in a can. Not pleasant at all.



P.S. No discernable allergic reaction, so there wasn't enough soy in them to kill me.

P.P.S. I'm entering this item in the IHMMB Scary Product Contest.

P.P.P.S This product won the IHMMB Scary Product Contest! British hot dogs FTW!

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Alana Muir © 2006