The GirlAlive Blog

Bite my ass, cancer.

There’s a little quote thing I’ve seen going around on Facebook when people are promoting awareness or raising money for cancer research. They say, “Most people have hundreds of dreams, but a cancer patient has just one: to be cured.” I call bullshit.

What that quote is saying is that as soon as you are diagnosed with cancer, you are no longer a complete and complex human being, but just an angsty carrying case for a tumor. It’s insulting and dehumanizing. People with cancer have just as many hopes and dreams as anyone else. They just have a slightly easier time picking the top one.

I mention this because my friend Amber was killed by cancer yesterday. She was 26. Amber had hundreds of dreams and desires. She loved her family and her friends and her boyfriend George. And she happened to have cancer. It was a shock when she died because she never seemed like she was sick. She always seemed to be living a lot more than she ever seemed to be dying. The quote on her facebook page under her picture is, “Life is awesome and I’m loving the hell out of it!” Reducing her to a single note of “cancer patient” is insulting to her memory, just as it is to anyone with cancer.

I’m going to miss Amber. I barely knew her, and it seems completely unfair that she’s gone. She was my cousin’s best friend. It breaks my heart that Amber is gone and it breaks my heart even more that my cousin’s heart is so broken.

Fake-iversary

Today is my 5th fake-iversary. Meaning it is five years since I had a fake wedding before I moved to Scotland.

I’m not going to lie. There are things I hate about living here. People here are rude and intolerant. I haven’t been able to find a job. There is no Dairy Queen. However, I’d like to make it clear that I have no regrets about marrying my husband. He’s the best husband ever. And he’s very tolerant of the fact that I’m completely nuts.

Thank you for putting up with me, husband. :)

A look back on British food.

Brett suggested that for my whole “tell me what to write thing“, I should do a brief review, five years on, of the foods on my British Food site. Okay. Sounds like an idea to me.

First of all, there is always the question about whether there are foods I have tried but not reviewed. Oh my, yes. I don’t have a camera with me all the time and I don’t always have a notepad to take notes about what I think about food. In short, I’m not cut out to be a full time food blogger. So first, I’ll give a few short reviews of foods I can think of off the top of my head that I’ve eaten and never got around to reviewing on the site. I may do full reviews later, but for now this’ll have to do.

Eton Mess: Tasty. All kinds of tasty.

Pavlova: Just as tasty as Eton Mess. My husband likes toffee pavlovas, but I prefer berries or fruit. Fantastic summer dessert.

Tikka Masala: It is always billed as “Indian” food, but it was invented in Glasgow. I love most Indian food, including Tikka Masala, Korma, Jalfrezi, naan bread, and everything else. You can buy a jar of decent ready-made curry sauce for about £1, and then combine it with rice or cous cous and a can of chickpeas and some veggies for a really good and really cheap vegetarian dinner. It’s usually eaten with chicken (or turkey) but I can’t afford much meat lately, so chickpeas are great too.

Doner kebab: Again, tasty. It’s very similar to the gyros sold in the US, but I think is more Turkish than Greek. The main difference is the sauce. Instead of the creamy cucumber sauces you get in the US, doner kebabs are usually served with a hot sauce reminiscent of buffalo wing sauce.

Anyway, on to the review of the stuff I’ve already reviewed.

Irn Bru: I’ve had a few bottles of Irn Bru over the years. It’s a nice change from standard cola for a caffeine hit. Generally, I go for the diet when possible, which is just as good as the regular, in my opinion.

Oatcakes: I have them now and then with cheese. They’re especially good with aged Scottish cheddar.

Scotch Eggs: I hate to admit that I eat scotch eggs. I don’t eat them often, but now and then I have one. They’re an easy quick lunch when I decide that I don’t care if I die young.

Toad In the Hole: I think I might have made this dish once or twice since the review. It’s tasty. I came up with a great Americanized variation on it a few months ago. I substituted cornbread batter for the Yorkshire pudding batter and hot dogs for the sausages, and it made a tasty sort of corndog loaf.

Mushy Peas: I still eat mushy peas sometimes. They’re good with fish and a healthy dose of vinegar.

Scotch Dumpling: Haven’t touched one since the review.

Jaffa Cakes: They have released all kinds of Jaffa Cake variations in the last couple of years. I’ve tried lemon, lime, raspberry, and blackcurrent. I still like the original orange best.

Christmas Pudding: Haven’t had one since the review. I have had some mince pies, which I guess I should review at some point.

Selkirk Bannock: Not eaten since the review.

Lucozade: When I gave up sugary beverages, I gave up Lucozade, even though I only had maybe 3 bottles of it before then. Last time I had any was when it was used as a measured amount of sugar for a blood glucose test. I think that might have been one of the reasons I gave up sugary beverages.

British hot dogs: No. Never again. They’re an abomination. My husband sometimes buys some hot dogs in a jar, which are squishier than I prefer, but they’re still much better than the cans.

Pickled Onions: I have a pickled onion now and then. They’re pretty good sliced on tuna or cheese sandwiches.

Spotted Dick: I eat a lot of spotted dick. (Done giggling now?) It’s one of those things I don’t eat all the time, but I have to buy it everytime someone from the US comes for a visit. They will not leave my house without trying spotted dick.

Custard: One of my favorite go-to desserts. You can buy little cups of custard, like pudding cups. Easy, cheap and tasty. The low fat versions are good too.

Haggis: Nope. No more haggis for me. I eat a lot of vegetarian haggis. It’s actually very good. But the regular haggis with the festival of organ meat just isn’t my thing.

Smarties: Haven’t eaten these much. I guess I just think there are chocolate options here that are far more interesting.

Lemon Curd: I think I’ve had this on toast once or twice. I should use it more. Maybe on meringues to make mini-pavlovas or something. I have had it as a coating on cheesecake, which is good.

Chocolate Spread: I like chocolate spread. It is great stuff. Yet I still don’t eat it much. I’m a fan of peanut butter, so that is always my first choice.

Bubble and Squeak: Still a good side dish, but I don’t opt for it often. It’s kind of a lot of work.

Flapjacks: I’ve had a lot of Flapjacks, and tons that were better than the test ones. The ones they sell at Julian Graves are fantastic.

Jelly: Nothing against jelly, but we’ve mostly had the pre-made cups of it with fruit because our fridge is too small to fit a big bowl of anything. I seriously miss American refrigerators.

Jamaica Ginger Cake: Had some last night. Drowning in rum sauce. It was good. But there was a lot of rum sauce.

Cornish Pasties: Had some of these a couple days ago for lunch. They’re tasty, but I’ve probably only had them maybe twice since the original test.

Sticky Toffee Pudding: If it’s available and I can afford it, I will eat sticky toffee pudding. I’ve even chosen it over chocolate. It’s amazing stuff.

Yorkshire Pudding: I don’t eat these much, simply because of the fat content, but they are tasty. Yorkshire puddings were a particular favorite of my cousin Raeanne when she visited last year.

Scotch Pies: Can’t honestly remember if I’ve had these since the test. Probably not. I think mostly because there are so many other pies with better crusts here. Like pork pies and cornish pasties.

Branston Pickle: Still one of my favorite things to have on a cheese sandwich.

Marmite: An abomination (unto Nuggan). Satan’s poop. Not suitable for human consumption. And I still don’t care how much you love Marmite. Tell me all about how much you love it, and I will silently judge you. There is something wrong with people who think that Marmite is food.

Piccallili: Don’t think I’ve had any since the test. I probably should. I think I tested it on the same day as Marmite, and so it scarred me against it. Someone served it on The Great British Menu the other day and it looked really good.

Crumpets: One of my favorite easy breakfasts. My favorites are either to have crumpets with peanut butter or melted cheese.

Cranachan: I don’t think I’ve made this since the test. At least not properly. But it is still a fantastic dessert. I would almost prefer it non-alcoholic though.

Meat Pie (in a can): Haven’t had it again, and probably never will.

Weetabix: I’ve had Weetabix a few times, as well as the oat version Oatabix. I found that as much as I wasn’t a fan of Weetabix with milk, it is really good with yogurt. Especially fruit flavored yogurt.

Black Pudding: The cafe here in town serves a full breakfast for about £3, and it includes black pudding. Which I don’t like. I always shove it onto my husband’s plate. It still just tastes like a blood clot to me.

Pork Pies: One of my favorite snack/lunch/picnic kind of things. It’s like Spam in a crust. What’s not to like?

Digestive Biscuits: Not my favorite cookie, but not bad. I recently found some chocolate chip digestive biscuits, and they’re really good. Lower fat and higher fiber than a standard chocolate chip cookie, but full of chocolate chip tastiness. I’ve had a lot of the digestives with a chocolate coating on one side, but I still prefer the chocolate chip ones because they don’t get melty chocolate on your fingers.

So there you go. A look back at all the foods I reviewed, four or five years later. Most of it doesn’t seem nearly so foreign to me anymore. I’d have to say that the number one thing I love about British food is the fact that you can get so much of it that is local. There are so many more small farms and so much more variation than there is in the US. And the British are so proud of their produce and they do their best to produce food that is of the highest quality, not just the largest quantity. I love buying a pack of strawberries, a pork shoulder, and a package of cookies and seeing that it was all produced in Scotland.

What do I miss in British food? I miss high quality Mexican food. I miss Dairy Queen. I miss root beer. But overall, I love British food, and most days I don’t even think about the stuff I’m missing. They have the basic ingredients here to produce food that is familiar to me, now that I’m used to working with the local ingredients.

I really need a job. Seriously.

I was laid off from my job last August. Since then, I’ve had one interview, and I didn’t get the job. I’ve been sending out hundreds of CV’s and applications, and they lead nowhere. No one wants to hire me because I’m an immigrant. Not that I really want to be an immigrant. I’m stuck in the UK because I don’t have enough money to move back to the US. I don’t have enough money because I can’t find a job.

My unemployment benefits have expired. I have about £300. Which seems like a lot until you realize that I have to spend about £150 a month on loan repayments, and another £60 or £70 to pay for food. My husband has a job that pays most of our bills, but not all of them. And we also have three guinea pigs and two hamsters to feed.

It’s not that I’m not qualified for jobs. I’ve done a lot of stuff. But the most recent jobs I’ve had have been so far below my actual skill level that I look both underqualified and overqualified at the same time.

Here are jobs I’ve done:

In college I worked at 911. I was a general office assistant for the summer. I did a lot of filing, data entry and audio typing.

I also cleaned and did laundry for my grandmother in college. I didn’t need more income than that because I had scholarships that paid my tuition and I lived at home.

Then I moved to Seattle. I was a webmaster and network admin for a company that rents cameras to the film industry. I also worked as the receptionist a few hours a day.

After that I was an HTML coder for a now non-existant web company. Then I also did some artwork and testing for the same company.

My next job was with a company that provided secure corporate file-sharing software. I was a tester, proofreader, and HTML coder for their web site.

Then I worked at a company that runs a big database of nursing home facilities. I researched the facilities and updated their database to reflect the most current information about each place.

From that job, I moved to a job doing health insurance claims data entry. I trained other data entry clerks and worked in the mailroom part of the time.

After that I moved back to Minnesota and worked for a health insurance company, processing claims. I did that until I moved to Scotland.

Once I moved here, I worked for the NHS. I was a clinical coder. I read patient records and provided statistical data about their hospital stays for the World Health Organisation.

After that, it was more data entry. This time it was for a company that does paperwork for clinical drug trials. It was fun, but there wasn’t enough work to keep me busy after the economy collapsed.

Which brings me to now. I’ve been looking for work for months and my benefits are running out. If anyone in the Edinburgh area knows anyone who needs an employee who has a near-photographic memory, an anal-retentive eye for detail and a talent for writing, editing, and web stuff, please let me know. I was on the borderline of being a child prodigy as a kid, and I graduated from high school and the University of Minnesota in the top 5% of my class. I have always done well at any mental task set before me. Now I’m an unemployed data entry clerk. No one wants to hire me because I’m too smart to be a data entry clerk, but too “inexperienced” to do anything else.

A Survey

I stole this survey from John Green’s blog. It was in a post back in 2006. (I was looking through his old blog posts, hunting the elusive Yeti.)

Anyway, on to the survey.

1. FIRST NAME? Alana.

2. ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes and no. My parents had a friend named Alana, but they didn’t give me the name because they worshipped that friend as much as they just thought it was a good name.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Maybe a week ago?

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Ham.

6. KIDS? No. Unless rodents qualify.

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably not. I mean, most people on earth are not my friends, so statistically, I’m not likely to be friends with me.

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes and no. I have a blog. I also have a file on my computer with the word “diary” in the name, but none of it is true.

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Me? Never. (Note the sarcasm.)

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Last time I checked.

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Probably not.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Reese’s Puffs.

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No.

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Not really. I used to be.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Cookie dough.

16. SHOE SIZE? US women’s 9.5, UK 8, EU 42.

17. RED OR PINK? Red.

18. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I wish I was either as smart as I was as a kid or as stupid as average people. I’m not smart enough to be a genius anymore, but I am still smart enough to be completely aware of how much brainpower I’ve lost.

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? I’m going to have to go with my husband’s best friend David. He passed away last year and it has made everything seem a little out of tune.

20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? No. Steal it and post it on your own blog if you want.

21. WHAT COLOR OF PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW? I’m wearing black sweatpants and argyle socks. No shoes.

22. Who is your favorite writer/book/movie? Writer: Terry Pratchett. Book: Anything beginning with “Harry Potter”. Movie: Serenity.

23, WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? A Ford commercial on the Discovery channel. (Mythbusters)

24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Cornflower. I always loved how translucent the cornflower blue is.

25. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SMELLS? I only have about 20% of a normal person’s sense of smell, so I don’t smell things the same way you do. But I do like pumpkin pie.

26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE ON THE PHONE WITH? My parents. I don’t do phones much.

27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Eyes and hair. Eyes tell a lot about a person, and I’m jealous of people with good hair.

28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? John Green? Yeah. He’s pretty cool.

29. FAVORITE DRINK? Bubble tea.

30. FAVORITE SPORT? Robot combat.

31. HAIR COLOR? Brown.

32. EYE COLOR? Brown with hints of green when I’m really tired.

33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope. I had laser surgery.

34. FAVORITE FOOD? Peanut butter cups.

35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Horror comedy?

36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Borat. It was on tv and it seemed like a fine opportunity to see Borat without paying money to see it.

37. COLOR OF SHIRT YOU ARE WEARING? Camoflage.

38. WINTER OR SUMMER? Winter, I guess.

39. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs.

40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate cheesecake.

(Questions 41 and 42 removed because they annoy me.)

43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? I’m reading “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” and on deck to be read next I have “The Truth” by Terry Pratchett, “Fragile Things” by Neil Gaiman, “Paper Towns” by John Green and “Holy Fools” by Joanne Harris.

44. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Do they still make those? I have a girl mouse that does not require a pad. (Girl mouse = no balls)

45. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Hamster squeaks. You have to really pay attention and really annoy them to hear it.

46. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Glee

47. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles

48. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? From my current home: Seattle. But Seattle was my home at the time that I was there. And the furthest I’ve been from Seattle is Moscow.

49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Not really.

50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? I was born at the end of 1976 near Canada. But not in Canada.

The end of the song

Since my MP3 player completely loses its place when the battery dies, here is the song that got cut off earlier today.

That helps a little.